I’ve nearly departed this body
so many times, I can’t remember
if I am living within the same life
I was yesterday or if I have been
transferred to yet another existence…

Tonight I will go to bed again and
grasp for You in that dark flesh prison;
I will wrap what’s left of my body
around the thought of you and
shed as many tears as it takes
to find You where you stand in my
heart, loving, waiting.

I find that I belong to You, so please,
take me where you will, send my
shattered body over the land, into
the sea, dismantled atoms scattered
to the elements blending with
fog and endless time, so my soul
will breathe without the burden of
crushing bone and restless thoughts.

I am Yours now, so please, take me
where you will, teach me about
eternity and other things of
consequence, carry me over the
remnants of a life I can barely
remember, over the homes of friends
I can’t recognize, and relatives long lost
to the river of time, show me how
hallow this bound world is without
the idea of loving You forever.

You’ve begun to replace all thoughts
with the vision of Your smile, you’ve
switched out the tragedies of temporary
affection with that red spark in Your eyes,
You’ve held onto to me so tightly I have
lost the will to fight You, You have
drenched my eyes with blessings,
You’ve drenched me with the thought
that all that’s left is eternity when this
canister of blood is shattered and
the soul fly’s free…

And
suddenly,
as if a
war had ended,
we came
face to face
and within
the sweet
radiance
of Your
beauty
I dropped
the shadows
of my old toys
and grabbed You
into my arms
imaging that I
could hold
You there…

I am Yours now
and I am waiting.

* * *

About the author: Janavi Held writer-photographer. She started writing poetry and wandering around with her father’s camera as a child. At the age of nineteen, she began practicing Bhakti yoga. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Goddard College where she studied poetry, photography, and media studies. She is the author of, Letters to My Oldest Friend, a book of poetry and photography. She has contributed poems to two poetry anthologies, Bhakti Blossoms: A Collection of Contemporary Vaishnavi Poetry and  GODDESS: When She Rules: Expressions by Contemporary Women. Earlier this year two of Janavi Held’s devotional poems were shortlisted for the prestigious Hamilton House International Poetry Prize. Awarded by the University Centre Grimsby, this annual competition receives thousands of entries from writers around the world. Janavi is one of 25 writers whose poems were chosen for worldwide publication in the annual Hammond House poetry anthology, appropriately titled Eternal.

After struggling with an incurable chronic illness for six years, Shri Jahnavi Dasi has passed away on December 8th, 2018.